CLS Sandoval

Pressure Heading Toward Implosion

 

Many things to do

Without appreciation

Challenges my mind

Pressure building more and more

Overheating

Outward anger turns inward

 

The Pap Smear

 

My nerves make my blood pressure

so high

that the nurse is concerned

 

I tell her that this happens every year

doesn’t matter that this physician is female

far more gentle

explains everything so clearly

 

My body stiffens

Dr. says just relax

it makes it worse if I’m anxious

 

My pelvis won’t listen to my brain

she thinks she knows better

maybe she does

 

As the doctor inserts the speculum

I take a deep breath

press down on my abdomen

 

I hear a squeal next to my left ear

then a full-on cry

 

“Can I turn her around?”

The doctor offers to swivel my 18-month old’s stroller

so she can’t see anything but my face

 

Can’t see what the doctor is doing to me

won’t worry that her mommy is being attacked

or that the future may have a similar attack in store

for her

When He Tells Me Too Much About How He Feels

 

I keep my truth 

under wraps

 

Don’t let him see 

the pressure building 

in my depths

 

The surface of my pond stays

Smooth

Almost ice

 

He doesn’t know

the treachery at the bottom

just thinks he can take a 

 

leisurely skate